What makes you, "you"? Some attribute the development of the human self to nature and genetics, and others say we are purely a result of our life experiences. Others yet, myself included, believe that it's some mysterious combination of the two. In this edition of Chosen Few Software - Voices, we'll explore our connection to selfhood, past and present, through the lens of the trans experience.
In 2009, a young six year old Isabelle introduced themself to their toy cassette tape recorder. Unbeknownst to her at the time, she would grow into a strong, competent woman, whose voice you are hearing now. As we speak, she uncovers her old collection of audio cassettes, inadvertently opening a portal to her deep past... I think I hear a signal coming through!
[Younger Isabelle becomes audible]
Hello, my name is [REDACTED], and I love playing and building and stuff like that! You wanna know one of my favorite things to do? Okay! Here's one of my favorite things to do: I love playing video games!
[BEEP]
I love space, and I love everything, and here's a song! [babbling] and my favorite movie is Star Wars!
[Present Isabelle starts speaking]
Right away here, its pretty obvious to me that I haven't changed one bit. My favorite movie is still Star Wars, I still love space, I still love building, and I'm still a goofball that just likes to make random noises and music sometimes.
[Younger Isabelle returns briefly]
...and I would like to be an astronaut when I... I grow up!
[laughter] Okay, maybe not an astronaut...
...and that's all for today guys! Bye!
With that YouTuber-esque outro, I finally realize that I've kind-of always had an affinity for media creation, and just being an entertaining personality while on tape, or on camera, or whatever else it may be. Furthermore, looking back on these recordings makes me feel very odd as a trans person. From one point of view, I feel like I'm almost entirely removed from this six year old child who was just having fun doing their own thing.
But the other part of me says that this person is undeniably me, and for some reason, the core part of me that was expressed in these recordings somehow survived all of what has happened in my life up to this point until I listen to them now. That to me, is just crazy, and says something fundamental about the human experience. What it means to be human is to survive, is to strive for selfhood, and to have a relationship with the past; one which is oftentimes complicated.
The best way I can summarize it is I feel that in looking back at these tapes, I have essentially seen my reflection through a portal across time, and that my friends is the story of "The Mirror Across Time".