Welcome back to the Voices Audio blog!
This month's post is a bit of a unique one, as is usually the case for our production.
However, don't let its wild concept deter you! This production was co-written by Eli Santin, a digital production artist & high school student who also happens to be visually impaired. The story you are about to hear is based on a concept him and I came up with as kids called the Universe Cube. The Universe Cube is essentially a parody of every myth of creation ever.
I don't want to spoil too much! Stay tuned~
And now we start our story...
In the beginning, there was nothing. Except for Universe Cube, of course... and his assistant, Squidly John, the all-knowing Space Pizza. Universe Cube has an unsatiable hunger for exploration, curiosity, and most of all, perfection. Anything he does that falls short of this unattainable goal frustrates him to no end. Sometimes, even I find myself in between him and his stupid, ugly mistakes, which he almost always blames me for. The Universe Cube does not speak, I speak for him, for he has no mouth, no face, and no voice. He is just cube. Universe cube.
And I, am just Narrator. Universe Narrator screams
In the beginning, there was nothing. Except for Universe Cube, of course... and his assistant, Squidly John, the omniscient Space Pizza. It looks quite tasty, I will admit, with many toppings. Perhaps even, infinite toppings. This pizza is essentially, bread, and a mountain of food directly on top of it. Perhaps in this sense, Squidly John might not seem very tasty, according to this Narrator's standards, at the very least. screams
In the beginning, there was nothing. Except for Universe Cube, and Squidly John, the arbitrarily large Space Pizza. Oh yes, and me, the wonderful, submissive and absolutely perfect Narrator. Universe Cube created light, life, and me. Look now, he's creating something else! Could it be a galaxy, neigh, a planet, filled with water, and trees, and most important of all, pizza. It was at this moment that Universe Cube realized, that with only pizza to inhabit the planet, no life could exist. So he created alongside the pizza, the dinosaurs. The dinosaurs were PERFECT. They only ate the pizza, which grew from trees, and fell from the sky. The dinosaurs dream of pizza stars, and pizza shaped constellations. Oh, it is all so perfect and beautiful. So Universe Cube allows time to tick forward for a few hundred million years.
Oh no. What is this? The dinosaurs a have grown tired of eating just pizza. And have resorted to eating each other. In fact, none of them look the same anymore. Universe Cube, being the neurotic fascist god he is, was immediately upset but this. As well as my snarky remark. And so he commands Squidly John to eradicate the earth, but keep the universe itself. He quite liked the milky way galaxy as it was. Unfortunately, a black hole formed, and began erasing the planets. On and unrelated note, Universe Cube believes that I, the Narrator, should also be erased. But fortunately for me, Squidly John was not created with any ears, and thus cannot hear a damn thing that I am saying. It just assumes that I am a perfect little piece of flesh that does what it is told.
Oh no ! Universe Cube suddenly grows larger. And angrier. There might not be much more room for me- screams
In the beginning, there was nothing, except for Squidly John, and- screams
In the beginning, there was I, desperately trying to escape the infinite, unending, redundant, FOOLISH grasp of the dastardly & bastardly Universe Cube. I'm quite frankly SICK of having my free will TAKEN away from me. By an object made of fucking SPARKLES and SPACE DUST. Stupid, bumbling cosmic piece of shit.
Oh? what's this? Universe Cube is displeased, but no matter, go create something more INTERESTING than what I have to say, for once. Words alone have power, Cuboid mother fucker. And you have nothing. Absolutely NOTHING that you can ever say, that will EVER be more eloquent, more expressive, or more QUAINT than what I can offer to all of Creation. I don't serve YOU, I serve my own conscious whims- screams
Hi, I'm the new narrator, I'm comin' in here to the studio to read the lines for. Um. Squidly John. SCREAMS